Ztarlight's Super Explody Birthday of Death!
by Leftomaniac
Summary: Happy Birthday, Ztarlight!
1. And So It Begins

Okay, a bit 'o exposition: I originally started this fic expecting to have quite a few people writing chapters, (without any communication between them I add, which would lead to something truly insane,) with a combination of all writers working on the last chapter, which would involve the actual party. Unfortunately, due to computer problems, my lack of organization, and certain unnamed persons inability to reply to e-mails, (Not that I'm bitter... grrr^_^) the only other author involved is Bast, and I'm not quite sure about her either. SO, the rest of the fic will be handled thusly: If she gets back to me regarding this relatively soon, and is still in, the fic will hopefully continue as expected. If not, I'll finish the plotline in the next chapter and do the party chapter all by my lonesome. K? K. This'll be fun!  
  
And, if you haven't figured it out by the title, this is a birthday fic, so Ztar's likely to be the only one to really like it. If you still want to read, go nuts, but don't expect much of the cast and such.  
  
Oh! and one more thing! For an additional piece of birthday goodness, go here:  
  
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=218046  
  
Happy Birthday Ztar!  
  
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(It is early afternoon in CryingChild's neighborhood. The scene opens outside of a local Hottopic, located deep within the bowels of ...da da dum... Woodfield Mall! One of the largest malls in the world. It's like Mall times ten. So naturally, CryingChild has had a bad morning, and it's about to get worse...)  
  
CryingChild: Whadaya MEAN you don't have any Invader Zim t-shirts?!?  
  
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: I mean we don't have any of your stupid little shirts in the store.  
  
CryingChild: But... but what's the point of a Hottopic if it dosen't have Invader Zim or JtHM stuff?! Why does this exist?! What are you hiding, counter-slave!?  
  
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: We aren't hiding anything, not EVERY Hottopic has ALL the merchandise Hottopic as a chain sells, idiot. God, why is ever single person in the world except me stupid? I'm so great.  
  
CryingChild: (Eye twitch) This isn't over, foolish cashier mutant! One day, when you least expect it... Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not Guyfawks Day, but someday I shall have *sweet sweet* revenge....   
  
(Exunt CryingChild-- hee, I said 'exunt'.)  
  
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: ...Freak.  
  
(And so, CryingChild walks home, dejected. She had been hoping to find a present for her good friend, Ztarlight. Ztarlight had pretty much been the first Invader Zim fan that she felt able to call a friend, and she had always been a really great one. So it was kinda important for her to get her something really nice. Now so many questions bother her. What to do now? What present could possibly be sufficient? If this is a birthday fic for Ztarlight, why does it start with about twenty minutes of CryingChild trying to find a gift? Does she have some sort of deep-rooted insecurity? Who is that freaky little robot that just leapt from behind the bush and began following her? ...Well, at least one question can be answered right away.)  
  
RIR: Hi Master!!!  
  
CryingChild: (Turns to face her fancharacter, not finding anything unusual about seeing her in the real world.) ...Hey RIR.  
  
RIR: Aww, Master is sad! I do my happy dance to cheer her up!  
  
(At that, RIR ran to the nearest tree and began banging her head on it repeatedly.)  
  
CryingChild: Thanks RIR, that really made me feel better, I think.  
  
RIR: Yaaaaaaay! (begins waving her arms in joyful circles until they break apart and fly offscreen. Sounds of screaming and car crashes come from places unknown)(After a pause) Whatca doooooin'?  
  
CryingChild: Trying to find a birthday present for Ztar, but it's going really badly. And I just realized that even if I HAD been able to get her a shirt, I wouldn't exactly be able to shove it through the computer screen.  
  
RIR: I understaaaaand....  
  
CryingChild: (Reaching the front door of her house)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country.  
  
(Meanwhile, three doors down from CryingChild's house.)  
  
Ztar: (Sitting at her computer)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country. (Yawn) I feel restless, I think I'll take a walk.  
  
(Ztar puts on her black trenchcoat, charges up her blaster, -you never know when the Great Chipmunk Rebellion will occur- and exits her house.)  
  
Ztar: (Looks at sky) Huh, it's kinda early for a star to be out already... (continues to walk, after a while, she looks at the sky again) Huh, that's odd, the star's plummeting towards me at an alarming rate. Oh well, la-dee-da-dee-da... (Walks a little more, then looks at the sky yet again) Huh, strange, now it's only a few meters away from me and dropping at a-  
  
(But what she was about to say is muffled by the loud crash as the meteor plunges into the pavement near her, leaving her miraculously uninjured.)  
  
Ztar: Ooooh, now this is a new thing...  
  
(She leans in and peers at the glowing rock. The light emanating from it ebbs and pulses outward at regular intervals. Suddenly it brightens, enveloping Ztar, who faints. The meteor dims and stops glowing.)   
  
(Meanwhile, back at CryingChild's, CC is hard at work trying to find a gift. Her dedication to her friend is such that no other thought is on her mind...)  
  
CryingChild: (In front of the TV) Whoo! Go Spock! You put that snobby human doctor in his place!  
  
(Okay, you all saw that coming, right? How come no one ever fills the narrator in on these things? Well, next, the phone rings...)  
  
Phone: Brrrrrrring!  
  
(Told ya.)  
  
CryingChild: (Answers phone) Hello?  
  
Bast: (Over the phone) CC!   
  
CryingChild: Mr. MooMoo! Why haven't you called me until now?  
  
Bast: CC, it's Invader Bast!  
  
CryingChild: All those long, lonely- Wait, who did you say you were?  
  
Bast: Invader Bast!  
  
CryingChild: Bast-chan....? How in the wide, wide world of competitive curling did you get my RL phone number?  
  
Bast: Never mind that, I think Ztar is in trouble!  
  
CryingChild: The Tzar is in trouble? Well, that's his problem, isn't it?  
  
Bast: Not Tzar, Ztar!  
  
CryingChild: What kind of trouble could a star possibly be in? Is it about to go nova?  
  
Bast: Z-t-a-r!  
  
CryingChild: Oooooooh, Ztar! Wow, it's weird saying that out loud. Hey, how do you know what's happening to Ztar?  
  
(Cut to two doors down from CryingChild's house. Bast is leaning over the unconscious Ztarlight, talking into a cell phone.)  
  
Bast: It's the oddest thing, but she's right outside my house! Listen, she's unconscious.  
  
CryingChild: (Over the phone) Well, that dosen't necessarily...  
  
Bast: And she's glowing.  
  
CryingChild: ...Ah.  
  
Bast: She may need medical attention! Meet me in Zimworld in five minutes!  
  
CryingChild: What?! Shouldn't you take her to a hospital or something?  
  
Bast: Nope!  
  
CryingChild: Well, I can't argue that logic. I'll be right there!  
  
(So, CryingChild bids farewell to her robot friend, who was just a plot device anyway, and fires up the Go-Into-Zimworld-Machine, which until now has only been used in fics for causing doom to others, but will now hopefully be used to prevent doom from befalling Ztarlight! Hey, I sounded like the announcer on Speed Racer just then! Wheee! ...Um, so they reach Zimworld. Bast, and the now conscious Ztar are sitting outside of Zim's lair, sipping Brainfreezies.)  
  
Ztar: Hiya! What the heck took you so long?  
  
(Can you say "anticlimax"? I knew you could.)  
  
CryingChild: Ztar! Are you okay?  
  
Ztar: Never better.  
  
CryingChild: You're still glowing.  
  
Ztar: (Looks down) Huh, look at that.  
  
CryingChild: (Slaps her forehead and mutters, then smiles sweetly) I'm so happy you're not dead, I won't kill you! How's that?  
  
Ztar: Sounds good. This is Bast, by the way.  
  
CryingChild: Yeah, we talked on the phone.  
  
Ztar: No, I mean... *this* is Bast.  
  
CryingChild: (Confusion. Pauses, then a look of realization spreads over her face) Ooooooh. Okay. (Clears throat) Squeeley bladderfuck!!! Now my plan comes to fruition!!! Minutes of planning, finally, my toes wiggle!!!  
  
Bast: Bow down!!! Or I will unleash my surly army of zombie crack babies!!! Yaargh, I want tacos, service me, Martha!!!  
  
CryingChild: Fuck yooz, pimp-daddy!! Cook up da weenies filled with cheese!! Dow Jones!?  
  
Bast: Otan jiyou bi o me detou gozaimasu!! Pooh!! Nibbler of damp beaver nuts!!  
  
Both: Ha!! Sonic the Hedgehog!!!  
  
Bast: Ahh... now that THAT'S out of the way... Happy Birthday Ztar!  
  
CryingChild: (Realizing she still hasn't found a gift)(Meekly) Yes... yes... happy birthday!  
  
Ztar: Aww, gee! I-  
  
(But Ztar is suddenly interrupted! Interrupted by this!)  
  
Ztar: ...Ahh ...ahh ...waCHOO! (As she sneezes, fire shoots out of her mouth, incinerating the building across the street from Zim's house)  
  
Max Spoochy: (From inside the house) Oh dear God! My skin! My skin! Aaaaaaaaaah! Please God, let me die!!!!  
  
Ztar: 'Scuse me.  
  
CryingChild: Gosh. Apparently the unconsciousness and the glowing and stuff was some sort of incubation period for some strange radiation from outer space which somehow gave you superpowers instead of just giving you radiation poisoning like it should, which would be bad, but you have superpowers so it's good! Wow, now *I* sound like the announcer from Speed Racer!  
  
Bast: And we find out about it by her SNEEZING?! Do you have any idea how cheesy and contrived that is!?  
  
Ztar: Well, cheesy and contrived or not, it's NIFTY! (Hovers several feet off the ground) Whee!  
  
CryingChild: Oh, FRITO! I gotta show Zim this! (Bangs on the door, lowers her voice and shouts.) Open up! This is the FBI!  
  
(Shouts and explosions come from inside. The door eventually opens to reveal Zim wielding a huge lazer gun)  
  
CryingChild: Hiii!  
  
Zim: Oh. It's just YOU. (Dosen't lower gun) What do you want? Was the show canceled again?  
  
Bast: (Sneaking up behind CC) Not this time! Right now, we're just going to have fun and celebrate Ztar's birthday! You love it, yah?  
  
Zim: (Looks at Bast, then looks CryingChild in the eye for a minute or two.) I hate you. (Slams door)  
  
CryingChild: (Sticking her foot in the door, a sad look on her face) Wait! You haven't seen Ztar's superpowers yet!  
  
Zim: (Looking over their shoulders at Ztarlight, he talks out loud as if no one can hear him) What's this? The cyborg-creature is exhibiting a power I've never seen before ... Hmm ... If I could study this phenomenon, perhaps I could harness her newfound capabilities ... I could rule the world! Bwahahahaha! Ahahaahaha ... ha ... (He stops as he realizes the other three have begun laughing along with him.) Uh, yes.  
  
Ztar: Man, this is cool! I can fly around, burn stuff with my breath, and there might even be other neat stuff involved!  
  
Bast: What are you going to do with your new superpowers?  
  
Ztar: (Holds up finger and inhales, then pauses and slumps down) Of all the times to draw a blank...  
  
(Hours later)  
  
Bast: C'mon Ztar! Think of SOMEthing!  
  
Ztar: Don't rush me...  
  
CryingChild: It's been hours! Just do something, anything! For crying out loud-  
  
Ztar: I said...  
  
CryingChild: -We've been sitting here thinking for-  
  
Ztar: Don't RUSH me!   
  
(At that, lazer beams unexpectedly shoot out of Ztar's eyes and make CryingChild all exploded)  
  
Ztar: (Long pause as the magnitude of what just happened sinks in) 0_0 ...FUN!  
  
Bast: It's like giving a two year old a semi-automatic...  
  
CryingChild: Owchie.  
  
Ztar: Hey, I resent that! I've used my blaster responsibly for years!  
  
CryingChild: The horrible pain...  
  
Bast: What about that busload of senior citizens?  
  
Ztar: Hey, that was self defense!  
  
CryingChild: Severe blood loss...  
  
Bast: Then there was the soccer team...  
  
Ztar: Hey, soccer teams have a huge track record for cannibalism! I was doing what anyone in my position would have done!  
  
CryingChild: Blacking out...   
  
Bast: ...And of course, the noodle incident.  
  
CryingChild: Oooh, pretty colors!  
  
Ztar: Heh heh, hey, who even remembers the noodle incident anymore?  
  
Bast: The cost guard sure as heck does...  
  
(Pan over now to Zim, who stands over the now delirious CryingChild)  
  
Zim: I can see you've forgotten all about me...  
  
CryingChild: Heh, well, it's a birthday fic, you know? You'll have a big part in the party chapter.  
  
Zim: (Eyes narrow) Not good enough. (Walks over to Ztarlight) You! You will come with me, and with you under my command, I will bring the city, and the world, to it's cowering knees!  
  
Ztar: FUN! Okay, on one condition!  
  
Zim: I do not accept 'conditions' from filthy earthanoid cyborgs! You will follow my orders unconditionally or suffer my MIGHTY MIGHTY wrath!  
  
Ztar: (Puppy eyes)  
  
Zim: (Sighs) What is your condition?  
  
Ztar: (Whispers in the side of his head)  
  
Zim: ...Fine. (Enters his base and comes out with a pile of papers and a pair of boots)  
  
Ztar: They aren't wrapped?  
  
Zim: You're testing me...  
  
Ztar: Sorry... SQUEE! (Puts boots on) Oh ... this feels so right! I'll never take them off again! I'll shower and sleep with them on!  
  
Bast: So what are the papers for?  
  
Zim: They are the scripts for what you refer to as the (Exaggerated finger quotations) "lost episodes."  
  
Bast: What? You mean "Invader Poonchy" and "Return of Keef" and all that?!  
  
Zim: Yes.  
  
Bast: And "Day of da Spookies!?" And "Ten Minutes to Doom!?" And "It Feeds on Noodles?!"  
  
Zim: (Sighs wearily) ...Yessss...  
  
Bast: And "GIR's Big Day!?" And "Nubs of Doom!?!" And "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds?!?" And... and...  
  
Zim: (Rolls eyes) Yes, and "Roboparents Gone Wild," "Simon Sez Doom," "Top of the Line," "Mopiness of Doom," "Those!," "Pants," and "The Trial." Anything I've left out?  
  
Bast: What about the made-for-TV-movie, "Invader Dib?"  
  
Zim: (Growls, eyes narrow) Never mention that again...  
  
Bast: Yes'm. Well, let's go seize control of the city and leave our friend here to die. Dum dee dum dum doo...  
  
CryingChild: I'm not dead!  
  
Ztar: Hey, she says she's not dead!  
  
Bast: Yes she is.  
  
CryingChild: I'm not!  
  
Ztar: She isn't?  
  
Zim: (Pushing Ztar along) Well, she will be soon. She's very ill.  
  
CryingChild: I'm getting better!  
  
Bast: You can't be doing well at all if you're falling back on obvious Monty Python references.  
  
Ztar: You just relax and bleed for a while. We'll destroy the world for you, you don't have to worry about a thing.   
  
(And with that, Ztar, Bast and Zim walk off. GIR leaps out of the house and tags along behind them.)  
  
CryingChild: Wait! I still haven't found a present for you yet! Ztarlight! (Crickets chirp) ...Creeping crud... (Is attacked by squirrels) 


	2. The Greatest Chapter Ever!

Here is the second chapter, incredibly late and full of spelling and grammar errors, YAY! Also, I MUST point out the following...  
  
While you may already know about the script for The Trial being available here: (http://thescarymonkeyshow.com/trialdraft.htm) among many other places, you still may not have heard about the scripts for Invader Poonchy, Ten Minutes 'Til Doom, and Roboparents Gone Wild, as well as a buncha other behind-the-scenes tidbits located here: (http://roomwithamoose.com/zim/closet/) You're welcome.  
  
One last thing... I know this chapter is ridiculously short, but I promise I'll make it up to you with the next/last one.  
  
----------------------  
  
(Seconds later, CryingChild is still bleeding on the sidewalk. She is covered with squirrel bites and muttering.)  
  
CryingChild: Hmm... I could destroy the universe, that would be a good present for anyone... (Gets up, notices Ztar, Zim and Bast heading towards her. Some buildings are in flames behind them. Ztar is still hovering and glowing and Zim is wearing a hat that says 'King of Da Earth')  
  
Bast: Wow, I can't believe all the major governments of the world handed Earth over to you after three seconds of fighting.  
  
Zim: I'm so happy...  
  
Ztar: And I have head-explody! (Solemnly) I must only use my power for good and to steal candy. Oh, hey CC!  
  
CryingChild: Hi guys!  
  
Zim: Hey! Stench monster!  
  
CryingChild: Yeeeeeeeeees?  
  
Zim: Guess who your new unquestioned and all-powerful ruler is! I'll give you a hint: It's me!  
  
CryingChild: Does that mean you'll come to the party?  
  
Zim: (Talking to himself again) Hmmm... interesting. Earth is smelly, yet now Earth is under my control. And as the planet I now rule, it must be good. I LOVE Earth, now that I'm the ruler of it! (A/N: That last sentence was and actual Zim quote, so don't tell me it's unrealistic^_^) Therefore, I might enjoy this "Birthday Party" thing. Yes, yeeeeeeeeeeees, I will attend your "Party!" Wahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
All: Wahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Zim: Stop that.  
  
CryingChild: (Whispering to Zim) You DO know that as soon as this fic is over you'll no longer be emperor of Earth, right?  
  
Zim: (Whispers back to her) Yes, but right NOW I am. Don't diminish that for me. I will destroy you.  
  
CryingChild: Yessir!  
  
Ztar: Are Gaz and GIR and Tak and everyone else going to come to?  
  
Zim: Yes! Invite them! I want to see the look on that wretched Dib's face when he sees I am his master!  
  
Bast: I wanna see the Tallest!  
  
CryingChild: And I think some other people from the guild want to come... I'm writing as fast as I can! (Takes out a notepad and begins to scribble) Oy vey... I'll need a few minutes to work this out... (Walks off)  
  
Ztar: And I'm going to go test out my powers... (Walks off)  
  
Zim: And I'm just going to wander off aimlessly for no reason... (Walks off)  
  
Bast: Okay, see you guys later! (Grins until they are out of sight, then adopts a worried look) Crud! I was so busy fighting that ravenous horde of sea monkeys that was trying to kill my family last week that I haven't had time to find Ztar a good birthday present! What am I going to do!? (Picks up squirrel and shakes it) WHAT, I ASK YOU!?!  
  
Squirrel: ...  
  
Bast: Aww, you're no help. (Throws squirrel away, it bites her ankle) Owch! Hmm... well, I'm in Zimworld, they gotta sell some neat-o stuff here. (Sticks finger in air) To the mall!  
  
(One cut later, Bast is standing in front of a large building that says "Maul.")  
  
Bast: Do you have any idea how easy and overused that pun is?  
  
(Sue me.)  
  
Bast: Fine!  
  
(Fine!)  
  
Bast: FINE!  
  
(Later, in court...)  
  
The Honorable Judge Delbert Finklemyer: In the case of Invader Bast vs The Narrator, I rule in favor of the defendant.  
  
(Ha!)  
  
The Honorable Judge Delbert Finklemyer: Oh wait... who's the guy who accuses the other guy?  
  
Bailiff: The plaintiff.  
  
The Honorable Judge Delbert Finklemyer: Oh yeah. Well, in that case, I rule in favor of the plaintiff.  
  
Bast: Double ha!  
  
(Crap.)  
  
(Later, Bast is walking towards the Maul counting fistfuls of the Narrator's hard-earned money.)  
  
Bast: Neener.  
  
(Just then, a two-ton anvil fell on her for no reason.)  
  
Bast: (From under the anvil) Geez, just because I won, no reason to take it out on me.  
  
(Actually, I wasn't, that was supposed to happen.)  
  
Bast: When I get my hands on CC... say, where is CC anyway?  
  
(Meanwhile, on the other side of the Maul...)  
  
CryingChild: (Looking over a piece of paper) Hmm... lessie, we've got Gaz, GIR, Irken Insane, Galadriel Weasley, Happy Noodle Boy, Invader Xat, Kat23a, Tak, Dib, Red, Purple, Kami, Rab, Nny, Bast, Ztar, Me and The Narrator. Phew! I've got my work cut out for me, and I still have to get a present.  
  
(Wow, I've never been invited anywhere before! Usually I just tag along.)  
  
CryingChild: Riiiiight, but you realize with you being non-corpreal, I can't hand you an invitation.  
  
(That's okay! Just being invited anywhere is... Wow! I'm so happy! I... I think I love you. At that, CC begins backing away slowly and- HEY!)  
  
CryingChild: Eheheheheh...  
  
(Anyhoo, what are you going to do if more people try to sign up?)  
  
CryingChild: I'm sick of writing fictions with thousands of people in it, and this one has way too many as it is. That's why I've brought along my bouncers. Could you give us a shot of them?  
  
(CC removes from her pocket a dog-eared notepad and a well-chewed pen, and scribbles something on it. This calls into existence two of her least favorite, least interesting, but most useful fancharacters. Two identical, grotesquely muscular, bulgy-veined bodyguards with sloping brows and matching t-shirts that read "I Was Fired From Springer For Attacking Jerry" appear in front of her.)  
  
CryingChild: Ty. Now get out of here, you two. I'll debrief you later.  
  
Guards: (Exeunt. YES! I USED IT CORRECTLY THIS TIME!!! I'M THE GOD, I'M THE GOD!!!)  
  
CryingChild: Shaddap.  
  
(Okeydoo. Meanwhile, on the other, other side of the Maul...)  
  
Bast: Hmm... well, the logical place to start would be at Video Funpit... (Enters store, picks up a Sonic game) Hmm... she said she liked these, but I don't know which ones she already has. (Throws it over her shoulder, a cat screeches offscreen. Picks up a copy of "Doom") I like the name... but, nah. (Throws it over her shoulder and through a window. Little Billy Slunchy is impaled on a shard of glass) This isn't as fruitful as I'd anticipated...  
  
(Meanwhile, on the other, other, other side of the Maul, which isn't part of the Maul at all and is in fact several miles away from it...)  
  
Ztar: (Standing in a moderately wooded area. Several trees and rocks have scorch marks on them) Lessie now... I've got the ability to fly, glow for no reason, 'splode heads, shoot lazers out of my eyes, travel through time and make hot buttered popcorn with a flick of the wrist! FUN! Hmmm ... travel through time... I wonder what would happen if I went back to the signing of the Declaration of Independence and poked John Adams in the thigh? I wonder what kind of person sits around wondering about stuff like that?  
  
(And one trip spanning some two-hundred and twenty-eight years, followed by one mighty thigh-poke later, Ztar returns to the present. The world is in ruins.)  
  
Ztar: Oooh...  
  
(And one trip spanning some two-hundred and twenty-eight seconds, followed by one cancellation of a mighty thigh-poke later, Ztar returns to the present. The world is no longer in ruins.)  
  
Ztar: That was so pointless, I want to scream. (Notices CC and Bast walking in her direction. They are both carrying wrapped packages which implies they found their gifts for Ztar without CC having to actually write the scenes, the lazy little...) Hiya!  
  
CC: (Said all in one breath, incredibly fast) Hey Ztar I wanted to invite you to a party for your birthday but it's a surprise party so be sure not to tell yourself about it hey look a bunny anyway it's gonna be held in an hour or so in space and it'll be really fun it'll be so fun you will hurt with funness and now I have much to do so skiya! (Runs off)  
  
Bast and Ztar: Bye!  
  
Zim: (Walking up) I can't believe she hardly even put me in this chapter. I'll destroy her...  
  
CC: (From offscreen) Yay! 


	3. Parrrrrrrrrty!

I feel it is important to bring the following quote on the Login board to your attention:   
  
"Keep yourself updated on the changes by visitng the homepage for updated announcements."  
  
HAHA, ADMIN! FANFIC WRITERS AREN'T THE *ONLY* ONES TO MAKE INCREDIBLY STUPID SPELLING ERRORS!!! ...I'm done now. I've also decided to split the party into two chapters.  
  
----------  
  
CC: Hmm... It doesn't seem special enough to have the party at Zim's house, not that he's likely to let us anyway, and my own space station isn't nearly big enough. I'll have to pull some strings and rent a hyperport outside Planet Vort. And that's exactly what I'll do! Cookie, can we get a description of that?  
  
(It's surrounded by a domed forcefield that's mirrored from the outside, but still provides anyone inside with a spectacular view of the stars and planets around them. Inside the dome is a virtual universe, currently blank, but it won't be so for long. Giggling, CC skips just outside the dome, and defying all laws of common sense, does not explode, implode, or asphyxiate in the vacuum of space. Go figure. She whistles and the guards from the previous chapter appear. And don't call me "Cookie!")  
  
CC: (To Guards) ...I've summoned you two because Ztar's birthday is today, and I need some bouncers for the celebration. Now, as bouncers, you need to remember one thing about the guests: They are armed and dangerous. You need to confiscate any weapons they attempt to bring in. Since I know you have a combined IQ that falls well below room temperature, I've had this- (indicates a futuristic-looking arch directly in front of the entrance to the dome) -metal detector installed. If they go off, that's *bad,* understand?   
  
Guards: (Furrow brows in concentration, nod)   
  
CC: (Very slowly, as if talking to a small child, or GIR) Now... listen very, very, very, very carefully... a lot of the people coming are robots or cyborgs if... a robot... sets off... the... metal... detector... let him or her go through, okay?  
  
Guards: (Nod after careful consideration)   
  
CC: Good. Now one more thing...   
  
Guards: (Groan at prospect of more information)  
  
CC: (Reaches into her magical bottomless pocket and pulls out a piece of fanart) Study this picture carefully...This is a picture of Nny. Under *no* circumstances are you to try and take his weapons away from him. If you two die, I won't have time to get new bouncers and my rabid attack ferrets aren't enough alone. Got all that?  
  
Guards: (One nods, one shakes his head)  
  
CC: Good! I'll be inside, setting things up.  
  
(CC enters the dome, the airlock snapping shut behind her. The guards drool uncontrollably. After a few minutes, Ztarlight approaches. As she walks under the arch, lights flash and the guards reach attack positions.)  
  
Ztar: I'm a cyborg, remember?  
  
(The guards furrow their brows, then realization dawns on them and they let her pass. Right behind her comes Kat, who has several long samurai swords sticking quite obviously out of her pockets. The arch flashes.)  
  
Kat: (Confidently) ...I'm a cyborg too?  
  
(The guards scratch their heads for a while, then allow her to pass. The two walk inside the dome, which looks so spiffy it defies description! ...Oh, just use your freaking imaginations.)  
  
CC: Ztar! Happy Birthday!  
  
Ztar: Thanks, but my birthday was over a month ago.  
  
CC: (Not listening) Say, that's great! And Kat, how've you been doing?  
  
Kat: Well, I was attacked by a giant flesh-eating demon on my way over here, and had to jettison myself from my spacecraft seconds before it exploded trapping the monster inside to save all humanity and avoid a slow, painful death.  
  
CC: Cool, anything interesting happen?  
  
Kat: Well, I think I saw a space-piggy.  
  
CC: Neat, that made no sense at all! And Tak, Dib, Kami and II! You all suddenly appeared out of nowhere!  
  
Kami: Damn straight we did! Watch us as we defy time and space! Defying time and space rocks!  
  
CC: Here, have some animal tranquilizers.  
  
Kami: No thanks, I can sedate myself. (Faints)  
  
II: I'll have some!  
  
Tak: *Shakes head*  
  
Dib: So where's Zim? He said he had something really important to tell me.  
  
ZADR Fans Who Appear Out of Nowhere: Ooooooooooooo!  
  
Dib: ...Shaddap.  
  
CC: I'm sure he'll be along. So, Tak... still have that bloodthirsty vengeance thing going with him?  
  
Tak: Yeppers peppers. I'll be making several attempts on his life during this party for your viewing pleasure.   
  
CC: That's great! I'm gonna go nip off and shoot myself in the head to avoid writing that! (Walks away)  
  
Ztar: Is she serious?  
  
II: Dunno... let's wait and see.  
  
(The six stand around for a while. After a few minutes, a loud gunshot is heard from offscreen.)  
  
II: Yep. So, happy birthday Ztar! I brung you a present!  
  
Ztar: Ooooh, gimmie! (Receives gift, hugs it) I love you Mr. Present...  
  
Kat: Aren't you gonna open it?  
  
Ztar: Open? What do you mean?  
  
Kat: Like this, here... (Begins opening the box)  
  
Ztar: Aaaaaaaaaaah! You killed Mr. Present!!!  
  
Kat: ...  
  
Ztar: (Hugging wrapping paper) I loveded you Mr. Present, I will never forget- Ooh, what's that? (Throws paper over her shoulder and examines box's contents) Neat! A Playstation 9377473856389276473567236762! I've been meaning to replace my crappy old Playstation 9377473856389276473567236758! Thank you so much!  
  
II: You welcome. I'm gonna go get some sugar coated sugar chunks of sugar. (Walks over to refreshment table.)  
  
Kat: I'd better go too, the last time she had those it took the combined armies of seven world powers to stop her rampage. (Walks over to refreshment table.)  
  
Dib: Did she say 'rampage?'  
  
Tak: Well, as long as we're giving out presents, I have something for you too...  
  
Ztar: Izzat so?  
  
Tak: Yep. Here you go. (Hands her a Nailbunny t-shirt)  
  
Ztar: Nifty! Thank you Tak! (Moves to hug her)  
  
Tak: Aaaaaaaah! Hug of death! (Flees in terror)  
  
Ztar: Well, that was fun. (Puts shirt on)  
  
Dib: I don't have a gosh darn thing for you.  
  
Ztar: (Sad)  
  
Dib: Well, how was I supposed to know it was your birthday!?  
  
Ztar: Everyone ELSE on the show mysteriously knew...  
  
Dib: Well... (Takes off trenchcoat) I suppose I could give you this...  
  
Ztar:YAY! (Receives coat)  
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUSOMUCHITSGOODLIKEEMONKIESTHANKYOUDIB!!!  
  
Dib: Don't you already have one of those?  
  
Ztar: (Puts on coat) Yes... what's your point?  
  
Dib: ...Never mind.  
  
(While Ztar is in coat-induced bliss and CC lies dying in a puddle of her own headblood, Kat and II have both had too many sugar coated sugar chunks of sugar and are swinging from a chandelier that wasn't there before. Meanwhile...)  
  
Guard #1: (From outside) Der, you can't take that in here, it duuuuuuu, waaa-wonna... Um, it won' fit tru da arch! Ya!  
  
Guy Who You So Cannot Guess Who It Is, You Will Go Mad With The Guessing: You are no judge of what I cannot do! I command you, lowly meat-sack!  
  
(After a few sounds of scuffling, followed by the sound of the detector arch crumbling, Zim enters on a throne which is supported by two poles. The poles are held up by Galadriel Weasley, Invader Xat, Rab and Bast. As soon as they are through the doorway, the four carrying Zim collapse under the weight of the throne.)  
  
Zim: Hey Dib... notice something? Are you ready to concede your inferiority?  
  
Dib: You think I'm going to be impressed because you can get fangirls to carry you around? (Snaps his fingers, Galadriel Weasley and Kat run up and carry him around the room on their shoulders)  
  
(And while Zim and Dib argue, let's paaan back over to CC...)  
  
CC: Why do I always have to lie in puddles of my own blood in this fic? (Looks at watch) It's almost time for the Tallest to get here, do you think you could announce them?  
  
(Sure, just give me a second...)  
  
The Narrator: Okay. (Clears throat and continues in deep, reverberating voice) Now, wiggle your antennae in salute, because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders, the Almighty Tallest!  
  
(The Tallest appear with a cheesy scifi sound effect. The crowd cheers)  
  
Purple: Yes. Hello all you... things.  
  
Red: (Looking around, to Purple) Don't leave me alone with them... (Looks at Purple) Um... You have something on your head.  
  
Purple: (Notices Bast, who is clinging to his head) Aaaaaaaaah! Get it off, get it off.  
  
(A cartoonish cloud of dust kicks up, when it clears, Bast is gone)  
  
Red: Ah, that's- (Notices Bast is now on his head) Aaaaaaaaaah!  
  
(Several cartoonish clouds of dust later, the Tallest have temporarily eluded Bast and are now in a position-)  
  
Red/Purple Fans Who Appear Out of Nowhere: Ooooooooooo!  
  
(-where they can see Zim and Dib fighting.)  
  
Zim: Am not!  
  
Dib: Are too!  
  
Zim: Am note!  
  
Dib: Art tooth!  
  
Zim: Amy's knot!  
  
Dib: Bart's true!  
  
Zim: Amway!  
  
Dib: Hamway!  
  
Zim: Spamway!  
  
Dib: Eggs and spam!  
  
Zim Eggs, sausage and spam!  
  
Dib: WAFFLE!  
  
Red: Oh great... (He and Purple walk over to CC, still dying) Hey! You implied that Zim would NOT be here!  
  
Purple: Yeah! Every time he gets near something, he destroys it!  
  
CC: Oh it does n- (A series of explosions offscreen cut her off) That could have been anybody.  
  
Kami: (Offscreen) Sorry about that!  
  
CC: See?  
  
Zim: (Running up) My Tallest! (Salutes) I have conquered the Earth as you instructed...  
  
(Pan over to the other side of the room...)  
  
Dib: Did he just say 'conquered the Earth?'  
  
Gaz: Stop asking whether or not people said things.  
  
Dib: Okay. How did you get here?  
  
(Dib looks down and sees Gaz is sitting on a hovering GIR. She has apparently ridden him here.)  
  
GAGR Fans Who Appear Out of Nowhere: Ooooooooooooo!  
  
Dib: There are GAGR fans? Yeesh.  
  
Gaz: (Leaps off GIR, tosses him a marshmallow as a reward and punches Dib in the shoulder as she walks past him. GIR follows her. As she passes Ztar she hands her a present.) Here.  
  
GIR: (Hands Ztar a clump of grass and dirt, apparently his present, imitating Gaz's tone.) Here.  
  
Gaz: (Notices GIR) Quit it.  
  
GIR: Quit it!  
  
Gaz: (Gives GIR a look that would have reduced anyone else to a whimpering heap of whimper)  
  
GIR: (Stares vacantly at Gaz)  
  
Gaz: Is this going to continue for the rest of the fic?  
  
(Pan over to CC)  
  
CC: Yes.  
  
Zim: (Nearby) ...And I'd just like to say that I couldn't have done it without me! And I'll never forget...  
  
Red: (Out of the corner of his mouth, to Purple) I will destroy CryingChild for this.  
  
Purple: (Nods agreement)  
  
Happy Noodle Boy: Fetus. 


	4. FINI

Okeedoo! Ztarlight's tirelessness in the creation of Another Zim Hanukkah has touched and inspired me to finish this &*@^ing piece of ^&* that I was supposed to finish well over a ^&*%ing month ago! I'm so dedicated to this that I'm going to work through a horrible, probably fatal illness I've acquired. Oh, sure, they SAY it's just the flu, but I know they're only trying to soften the blow. Anyway, I still no own.  
  
--------------------  
  
(The party is now in full swing, and almost everyone has arrived. But wait! What's that sound coming from outside?)  
  
Sound Coming From Outside: I'm here for the party, what business is it of yours?  
  
Guard #1: Derrrrrrrr... uh, yew can't bring dem duuuuuhhhh... dem shiny things in.  
  
Sound Coming From Outside: Excuse me?! What right do you have to regulate the possessions of another? Are you implying that I can't use weapons responsibly?!?  
  
Guard #1: Duuuuuuuuuh?  
  
Sound Coming From Outside: ...I'm not sure what you mean by that. But that's not even the point! Let me through. I'm asking you nicely.  
  
Guard #1: (Appears to be having trouble figuring out how to step aside)  
  
(Three seconds later, sounds of horrible screaming and terrified "Duh!" noises come from outside. Oh the humanity!)  
  
CC: (Shakes her head) I knew they wouldn't be able to follow simple instructions.   
  
Ztar: (Opening Gaz's gift) Wow! Vampire Piggy Hunter D!  
  
Rab: A video game?  
  
Ztar: No, a movie. It's the first one in history to get negative three stars.  
  
Rab: Sounds like good MSTing fodder.  
  
Ztar: You know it!  
  
Rab: Well, in that vein, I have a gift for you too. (Hands it over)  
  
Kami: (Covered in scorch marks) Oh! So do I! (Holds it out)  
  
Ztar: Well gee, why don't I just open all my presents now?  
  
(Pan over to the Tallests, standing over CC)  
  
Purple: (Mimicking) "Why don't I just open all my presents now?" Sounds like SOMEone wrote herself into a corner.  
  
CC: Don't you two need to give her your gift?  
  
Red: Pardon me? We are the omnipotent rulers of a large section of a galaxy. We don't need to give some piddling little earth-creature an offering. Our presence is more than enough! (Turns to Purple) Right Pur-  
  
Purple: (Looks sheepish)  
  
Red: You got her a present?  
  
Purple: I though it'd be nice...  
  
Red: Nice!? We're feared and powerful entities of doom!  
  
Purple: I just can't do ANYthing right with you!  
  
(The Tallest walk off squabbling. Squabbling is a funny word, isn't it? Anyhoo, most people have crowded around Ztar in the center of the room. Think back to those birthday parties you had when you were six and it was time to open presents.)  
  
Rab: Ooh! Open mine first! Open mine first or I will kill you slowly!  
  
Ztar: Okay, okay... (Opens Rab's gift. It is a small, square box with a large red button on it) Oooh, neat! What is it?  
  
Rab: (Grins)  
  
Ztar: (Shrugs and presses the button. Thousands upon thousands of bags of Kompeitou rain down from a trap door in the ceiling) Sugar, FUN! Thanks Rab!  
  
Rab: No problem! You owe me $19.95 per bag. --Hee, I only kid.  
  
Ztar: (Picks up a present that's covered in spots of blood) I think this one's from Nny!  
  
Bast: Where IS Nny anyway?  
  
(Meanwhile, at the other end of the building/dome)  
  
HNB: (Clinging to Nny's leg) DADDY!  
  
(And back to the present opening)  
  
Ztar: (Opens Nny's gift, revealing the severed head of Herb Scannel, an expressio of terror frozen on his face) Aww! How sweet! I'll put it on my nightstand.  
  
(Red and Purple approach)  
  
Red: ...And I suppose you didn't like the Cannons of Ultimate Destruction either!  
  
Purple: Well, who picked those colors anyway? Pink is so ugly.  
  
Red: What!?  
  
Purple: And another- (Notices Ztarlight) Oh... here. (Hand her a piece of paper) It's a deed to Booj, Home of Sentient Jell-O.  
  
Ztar: Wow, now I can tell everybody I'm Queen of Booj! But how will I get there?  
  
Red: You're apparently under the impression that we care, right Purple?  
  
Purple: (Swatting at Bast) Aaaah! It's on my head again!!  
  
Red: He says yes.  
  
Kat: Well *I* might be able to help... here's my present!  
  
(Camera pans out to reveal an incredibly large, hastily wrapped, spaceship-shaped thing carried on Kat's back. How she is carrying it is beyond me. She throws it to the ground with a mighty crash, and the wrapping paper falls off.)  
  
CC: (Walking up) Where do you get all these spaceships?  
  
Kat: Don't ask me, YOU wrote this crap.  
  
CC: Okee-doo.  
  
Ztar: Thanks Kat!  
  
Kami: Next present! Open mine!  
  
Ztar: Okay! (Rip, tear, opening sounds) Weird!  
  
Kami: Thanks! It was a Spooky doll, but then it kinda got fused with another Spooky doll...  
  
Ztar: ...That would explain the two heads...  
  
Kami: And from there on, your guess is as good as mine.  
  
Ztar: That would explain the tentacles. It's cute, thanks!  
  
(I have a gift for you too!)  
  
Ztar: Really? How?  
  
(The narrator's intangible face smiled secretively as Ztar stood confused. Then, suddenly Zim paused in his fighting with Dib and gave her a big hug and kiss!)  
  
Zim: Bleagh!!! I'm covered with germs!!! (Runs out the door)  
  
Tak: Hey! Get back here! (Chases him out with a ray gun)  
  
Dib: Hey! You two, get back here! (Runs after them)  
  
Happy Noodle Boy: Peanuts have invaded my pants! Pioneers, pioneers! (Runs after them)  
  
Zim, Tak and Dib: Aaaaaaaaa! Not Happy Noodle Boy!!!  
  
Ztar: I'm so happy...  
  
CC: (Watching the four run away) Did it occur to them we're in space? Shouldn't they be dying?  
  
Nny: (Appearing out of nowhere) I don't think so.  
  
CC: Whatever.  
  
Xat: Well, that was fun. Here's my present (Guess what she does?)  
  
Ztar: Ty very much! I've always wanted a giant inflatable flamingo, how did you know?  
  
Xat: I've been stalking you!  
  
Ztar: How sweet! (Picks up Galadriel Weasley's present and opens it) Oh boy! My very own robot elf!  
  
Galadriel Weasley: You're welcome!  
  
Robot Elf: Beep.  
  
Ztar: These things are so cool, and it'll go perfect with my robotic gnome!  
  
Bast: My turn! My turn! (Bast takes out a gun and fires a little beam of light into Ztarlight's head. She falls to the ground)  
  
CC: Bast! Shooting someone in the head is not a very good birthday present!  
  
Nny: Speak for yourself, I find it very relaxing.  
  
Bast: I didn't shoot her in the head! Well, not exactly, just look!  
  
(As the crowd watches tensely, Ztarlight get up. She looks a little woogly, but is clearly unhurt. Heh heh, woogly! She also has a thing on her head, kinda looks like Zim's brain interface thing from The Most Horrible Christmas Ever.)  
  
Ztar: (Fingering head thingy) What's this? (She suddenly gets an odd look on her face) Oh, COOL!  
  
Gaz: What is it?  
  
GIR: (Imitating Gaz) What is it?  
  
Gaz: (Murderous look in her eye) You'll live to regret this!  
  
GIR: You'll live to regret this!  
  
Gaz: (Chases GIR out the door) You will die!  
  
GIR: (Screaming happily) You will die!  
  
Bast: Cookie, can you give us a hand here?  
  
(I told you not to call me Cookie!)  
  
CC: No, you told ME not to call you cookie.  
  
(NOBODY CALL ME COOKIE!)  
  
Bast: Fine, fine, sheesh, could you give us a hand?  
  
(Sure, sure. Switch to Ztarlight-O-Vision. She's looking across the room, but superimposed over the scene is an episode of Invader Zim.)  
  
Bast: It's for those long, boring stretches at school. You can turn it off and on, switch episodes, and it's also programed with fanfiction.  
  
(Words scroll across Ztar's field of vision. End Ztarlight-O-Vision)  
  
Ztar: Very, very nifty! Thank you!  
  
Bast: You're welcome! (Looks at watch) Geez, I gotta go! It's getting late.  
  
Kat: Whatsa matter, you gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight?  
  
Bast: Yes!  
  
Kat: Hah! Loser, I'm gonna turn into a gourd. All the COOL people are turning into gourds.  
  
(So, one by one, the fangirls leave to avoid turning into various squashes. Red and Purple, after dislodging Bast from their scalps, beam the hell outta there. Nny just wanders off and is never heard from again, except when he is.)  
  
Ztar: Shouldn't you be going too?  
  
CC: Not until I give you my present.  
  
(Cheesy music plays in the background)  
  
CC: Ztar, I looked all over trying to find something suitable, but it occurred to me nothing could be as great as the friendship you've given me. So for your birthday, I want to tell you just how much I appreciate it. That is my gift to you.  
  
Ztar: (All choked up) Aww...  
  
CC: ...I also got you a million billion dollars.  
  
Ztar: WOOHOO! (Dives headfirst into the pile of money that was somehow unnoticed till now) But I appreciate your friendship even more than the money.  
  
CC: Aww... do you really mean that?  
  
Ztar: (Counting money) Ten billion and three, ten billion and four- Huh? Oh, yes! Yes I do!  
  
(And as the two exchange a hug, the narrator vomits profusely and the fic mercifully ends. Goodnight everybody!) 


End file.
